Office equipment, Typewriter, Cylinder, Antique,
andre.myhai/eBay

The "Odhner Arithmometer" is a pinwheel style mechanical adding machine that was invented in Russia by Swedish immigrant W. T. Odhner in the 1870s and produced until 1917 when, during the revolution, the factory was nationalized and closed down. The Odhners relocated to Sweden to continue business and in the 1920s, Russia restarted production, renaming the machine the "Felix" in honor of "Iron" Felix Dzerzhinsk, Polish Bolshevik war hero and founding director of "Cheka," the infamous Soviet secret police.

I did not know a lick of this history 30 minutes ago and yet I am dangerously close to buying one because eBay is a nefarious place.

There are all kinds of mechanical calculators on eBay because of course there are. If you are in the market for a classic Curta Type II, you can have one for just $1,800 (plus $7 to get it to your door). If you'd prefer a Blue Star Tokyo Electric it will cost you a hefty $3,900 (or 24 monthly payments of just $163) with mercifully free shipping. But if you're like me, search "mechanical calculator," rank by cheapest price, and scroll until you find something that is not a watch or a vintage advertisement and is cooler than a glorified slide rule, chances are good you'll end up staring at a Felix.

From the pictures alone it appears this calculator is hefty enough to kill a man. The shipping price of $48—which is expensive even from Ukraine and nearly $10 more than the cost of the thing itself—only lends credence to my suspicion. This monster would probably put a hole in my puny living room desk. It's the very last object my tiny one-bedroom apartment needs. After all, I've already spent four times on a keyboard that will be equally as viable in melee combat. Yet here I am, mouse pointer hovering over the buy button.

Please, save me from my self. Buy it first.